Another thing that I've been learning from Mother Teresa's story is a little more of what it means to be devoted to Jesus. Though her heart was for the poor, to whom she was called, her devotion was to Jesus; it was her dedication to his will that brought her to the poor. I think sometimes in ministry we have to hide the name of Jesus, the "share the gospel always, and when necessary use words" sort of idea. And I buy that, I know the kingdom isn't words, but a place where things happen, where real life happens. If we don't do works our faith is incomplete. The problem though is when we don't speak the name of Jesus in our motivations and prayers and hopes for those we minister to. We forget what we are doing this for.
See for a while I saw me studying nursing almost equal to me being a Christian. So last year when things started going downhill, I felt like my poor grades was just like me being disobedient to God. Like because I wasn't being successful, I was letting God down and falling short of myself. But now I'm beginning to see that my call, my first call is to love and to care about others. So before I'm a nurse, I am a Christian. Nursing is a way for me to care for people, but if for some reason nursing doesn't work out I'll still be able to love and I'll still have hope and I can still be obedient. And I can justify spending time doing other ministry, because ultimately my goal is not to be a nurse, but to minister. It's kind of a 1 Corinthians 13 sort of deal "If I have the gift of nursing and can heal everyone and administer all treatments but have not love, I'm nothing but a doctor's bitch."
Now, I do want to be a good nurse because nursing is a good thing. I once read that the first nurses were those in the early church, and I love that. Actually I kind of have a dream to one day to start a Christian nursing school where we care for those homeless and the people who come over from TJ or something like that. The school would revolve around a hospital and it would be our life. At chapel we'd pray for the sick and meet their families. We'd learn to love, to heal, and to minister. I don't know I'm working on the idea, we'll see what comes of it.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Momma T you're more than a flute to me.
I haven't written in a while because I haven't really had anything worth writing about (since all my blogs are usually super inspiring, right...) Whatever, anyway today I have something to say, hopefully it's at least a little satisfactory.
So I'm reading this book by Mother Teresa called, "Come be my Light" about her life and struggle to please God within the hierarchies of the church and the darkness she often felt in ministry. As one would suspect, it's inspiring.
I was talking to Heidi Snow about it the other day in class and for some reason, I mentioned that I was reading a section about talking about how Mother Teresa was "nothing but an instrument." When I first read that I thought, man that's humble and it reminded me Jimmy Eat World's "Goodbye Sky Harbor" but I really didn't analyze it too much. And when I mentioned it to Heidi she said something like, "Well that doesn't sound very uplifting, just to only be an instrument and nothing more." And I thought something like well Heidi, that's cause you care too much about other people's feelings.
Today though I spent some time in prayer and I was thinking about what it meant to be humble. Are we really just instruments? And I realized that, no, there's no way I'm only an instrument. I've made too many mistakes, had too many times of hurt, and have too much of a soul to be nothing but an instrument. And I know it was even more true for Mother Teresa. God did not create me as an instrument, God made me a person, or for the sake of the metaphor God made us musicians. We are called to play songs of compassion, giving honor God and bringing notice to Love and Beauty. We don't downplay our role or sit quietly in the back, we play our parts as best we can and we try to keep in rhythm with the Music. Our humility comes not in making ourselves objects, but in realizing our being, and playing in a way that compliments the Orchestra, honors the Song, and doesn't upstage our brothers and sisters.
So I'm reading this book by Mother Teresa called, "Come be my Light" about her life and struggle to please God within the hierarchies of the church and the darkness she often felt in ministry. As one would suspect, it's inspiring.
I was talking to Heidi Snow about it the other day in class and for some reason, I mentioned that I was reading a section about talking about how Mother Teresa was "nothing but an instrument." When I first read that I thought, man that's humble and it reminded me Jimmy Eat World's "Goodbye Sky Harbor" but I really didn't analyze it too much. And when I mentioned it to Heidi she said something like, "Well that doesn't sound very uplifting, just to only be an instrument and nothing more." And I thought something like well Heidi, that's cause you care too much about other people's feelings.
Today though I spent some time in prayer and I was thinking about what it meant to be humble. Are we really just instruments? And I realized that, no, there's no way I'm only an instrument. I've made too many mistakes, had too many times of hurt, and have too much of a soul to be nothing but an instrument. And I know it was even more true for Mother Teresa. God did not create me as an instrument, God made me a person, or for the sake of the metaphor God made us musicians. We are called to play songs of compassion, giving honor God and bringing notice to Love and Beauty. We don't downplay our role or sit quietly in the back, we play our parts as best we can and we try to keep in rhythm with the Music. Our humility comes not in making ourselves objects, but in realizing our being, and playing in a way that compliments the Orchestra, honors the Song, and doesn't upstage our brothers and sisters.
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