Here's an issue I'm wrestling with right now and I'd appreciate any thoughts you guys have. I think its something relevant to a lot of college students:
Hey Pastor Steve,
I'm struggling a bit with a question. This year I have a lot of plans to take trips of varying length from smaller trips like senior high camp to larger ones like Israel. However, as I have these plans and ideas, I can't help but feel a sort of tension in my conscience. It is such a privilege to be able to travel; it's something that not everyone has the chance to do. At church today there were people praising that they had jobs, and here I am trying to get time off. I'm not even completely confident that I can afford all the traveling, but I'm sure if I just take out school loans and such I can make it work. Yet its not even the trips themselves that cost money, its also the fact that taking trips means I don't get to work and make money (this is especially true during the summer). Now, I know making money isn't everything, but I get the sense that working and making money is a responsible thing to do, if nothing else, making more money means that we can be more generous with it. My bottom-line question is how do I be obedient to God in making these traveling plans? Is it ok to "take advantage of the opportunities that I have" or is that just a worldly way of looking at things? I hope you get a sense of what I'm asking, even if its not completely clear. Thanks for your guidance.
Maddie
Hi Maddie,
Yeah, I understand your struggle. The short answer is, there's a season for everything. You have the rest of your life to "be responsible" and hold a job and make money and be generous, etc. Going to senior high camp and Israel aren't exactly every day opportunities that you can count on having the rest of your life. But I would say this. As you travel and as you don't work as much, be sure to learn to be generous with what income you do have, so that when you have more income the habit of generosity is already established. And as you travel, spend responsibly and be a gracious guest, so that when you're not traveling you are able to live responsibly and offer gracious hospitality. Avoid as much debt as possible. Never let yourself get so indebted that you feel like you can't afford to be generous. Ultimately we trust in God to provide for us, so while we calculate and take debt seriously, debt is not our Lord.
Finally, you have to live so surrendered to God that you're willing to not go, if you think God is checking you on it, and also so surrendered that you're willing to go, if you feel like God is leading you to go. Once you're that surrendered in both directions, often times things get a little clearer and peace comes with whichever decision you feel led to make.
There's a time to travel, and there's a time to grow roots. The Lord will help you to discern what time it is, And the Lord will give you peace.
Hope this helps, gray (or colorful) as it is.
Pastor Steve
Monday, June 30, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
choosing a church
In different times of my life I've regularly attended a Catholic church, a non-denominational church, and a Nazarene church. In each I was faithful to the church in the best way I knew how whether that means going through sacraments like First Communion and First Reconciliation, being a member of the SALT team and going on mission trip, or helping out in ministry and being there for events. I haven't formally committed myself to any church through confirmation, membership, or whatever you do for non-denominational churches. I think one of the reasons for this is because I don't understand what it means to be apart of the church.
Some would say that doctrine is a good way to decide what church you should belong to. I don't give much faith to that idea. I have a few friends who are apart of churches in which they don't fully buy everything that the church says they believe in. Alec was telling me earlier that the Nazarene's especially are based on a movement and ideas that have become irrelevant if not obsolete nowadays. Yet the Nazarene church continues to exist because it is a network of believers who pursue community and do good works. I guess my belief is that doctrine is cheap and the real values of the church manifest themselves in the lives of the people. Besides if choosing a church was really a theological question, it seems like Jesus would have placed a greater emphasis on the importance of theology classes rather than minstry.
One of the reasons I left the Catholic Church in high school was because I didn't believe in the doctrine. Now that I am starting to question doctrine, and my ability to judge doctrine, I am starting to turn back to my catholic roots. If Alec continues to be Nazarene because he is Nazarene--socially not theologically--then maybe I should be Catholic. Or maybe I'm now a Nazarene. Hm, one reason I won't rely on Alec to tell me what I am, his reason doesn't work in my life. So where do I find myself? It is a social question more than anything. In the future where will I go? So far it seems that God has brought me to these churches and I've found myself there so I guess God will lead me where I should be.
As much as I can tell, the church acts justly, loves mercy, walks humbly, and says Christ is Lord. As I continue to move around in my life, I do not want the church to become a personality test in which I find the one that best fits me. Honestly I don't really want to choose a church; I want the church to choose me.
Some would say that doctrine is a good way to decide what church you should belong to. I don't give much faith to that idea. I have a few friends who are apart of churches in which they don't fully buy everything that the church says they believe in. Alec was telling me earlier that the Nazarene's especially are based on a movement and ideas that have become irrelevant if not obsolete nowadays. Yet the Nazarene church continues to exist because it is a network of believers who pursue community and do good works. I guess my belief is that doctrine is cheap and the real values of the church manifest themselves in the lives of the people. Besides if choosing a church was really a theological question, it seems like Jesus would have placed a greater emphasis on the importance of theology classes rather than minstry.
One of the reasons I left the Catholic Church in high school was because I didn't believe in the doctrine. Now that I am starting to question doctrine, and my ability to judge doctrine, I am starting to turn back to my catholic roots. If Alec continues to be Nazarene because he is Nazarene--socially not theologically--then maybe I should be Catholic. Or maybe I'm now a Nazarene. Hm, one reason I won't rely on Alec to tell me what I am, his reason doesn't work in my life. So where do I find myself? It is a social question more than anything. In the future where will I go? So far it seems that God has brought me to these churches and I've found myself there so I guess God will lead me where I should be.
As much as I can tell, the church acts justly, loves mercy, walks humbly, and says Christ is Lord. As I continue to move around in my life, I do not want the church to become a personality test in which I find the one that best fits me. Honestly I don't really want to choose a church; I want the church to choose me.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Take this with a grain of salt or, better yet, a grain of sugar because maybe I'm just bitter.
When I think of being a "Woman of God" the role doesn't really appeal to me. Honestly I think I'd rather be a "Man of God".
I've seen a lot of both men and women in leadership positions at church and school. I think Point Loma in particular does a pretty good job of not discriminating against gender when it comes to leadership positions especially (I hate that it makes sense to qualify it like this) for a religious institution. Although power seems to be pretty well distributed and is increasingly improving, respect seems to still fall mainly to the male leaders and students. One of the ways this is best illustrated I think is in chapel. I've noticed a lot more background talking and disruption when females are speaking in chapels as opposed to males.
A lot of women who are respected, but they are respected in more subtle small ways than men. Women are important and so of course they are respected but that respect often comes from their roles in relationships, I think many women lack the large-scale respect that is more often given to males.
I think a lot of people don't mean to be sexist or discriminatory either, I hear a lot of things like:
"I think it'd be great to have a woman president, I just don't want it to be Hilary" or
"I don't mind female chapel speakers I just find it difficult to track with Mary Paul."
Why don't we take these people seriously? Why supposedly aren't these women right for their positions? What would it take for a woman to gain our respect? what would she have to be like? It seems like these people are too far from the male standard of leaders and too far from our standards of female roles.
I don't know the answers to these questions and I'm not completely sure these questions are the right ones to be asking.
Is it wrong for me to want to see that respect for me and my sisters and mothers? And I'm serious about that question. Maybe the small-scale respect is what is really important and maybe asking for respect is not the way to get it and maybe even trying to earn respect is not the way to get it. Maybe this blog entry does more harm than good.
Just don't ask me to become a "woman of God" because when I think of what that means I think of becoming a children's or women's minister, being an awesome mother, or a pastor's wife. And in all actuality, I wouldn't mind becoming those things. I don't really plan on living a life that radically pushes cultural gender roles especially just for the sake of pushing them. I hope to become a nurse someday, I wouldn't mind being a stay-at-home mom for a period of time, and I'll probably shave my legs fairly regularly. I just don't want to be only those things. I want my identity to be in Christ where there is no male and female. I don't want to be respected any differently than men, I just want to be a person of God. Challenge me to be that.
I've seen a lot of both men and women in leadership positions at church and school. I think Point Loma in particular does a pretty good job of not discriminating against gender when it comes to leadership positions especially (I hate that it makes sense to qualify it like this) for a religious institution. Although power seems to be pretty well distributed and is increasingly improving, respect seems to still fall mainly to the male leaders and students. One of the ways this is best illustrated I think is in chapel. I've noticed a lot more background talking and disruption when females are speaking in chapels as opposed to males.
A lot of women who are respected, but they are respected in more subtle small ways than men. Women are important and so of course they are respected but that respect often comes from their roles in relationships, I think many women lack the large-scale respect that is more often given to males.
I think a lot of people don't mean to be sexist or discriminatory either, I hear a lot of things like:
"I think it'd be great to have a woman president, I just don't want it to be Hilary" or
"I don't mind female chapel speakers I just find it difficult to track with Mary Paul."
Why don't we take these people seriously? Why supposedly aren't these women right for their positions? What would it take for a woman to gain our respect? what would she have to be like? It seems like these people are too far from the male standard of leaders and too far from our standards of female roles.
I don't know the answers to these questions and I'm not completely sure these questions are the right ones to be asking.
Is it wrong for me to want to see that respect for me and my sisters and mothers? And I'm serious about that question. Maybe the small-scale respect is what is really important and maybe asking for respect is not the way to get it and maybe even trying to earn respect is not the way to get it. Maybe this blog entry does more harm than good.
Just don't ask me to become a "woman of God" because when I think of what that means I think of becoming a children's or women's minister, being an awesome mother, or a pastor's wife. And in all actuality, I wouldn't mind becoming those things. I don't really plan on living a life that radically pushes cultural gender roles especially just for the sake of pushing them. I hope to become a nurse someday, I wouldn't mind being a stay-at-home mom for a period of time, and I'll probably shave my legs fairly regularly. I just don't want to be only those things. I want my identity to be in Christ where there is no male and female. I don't want to be respected any differently than men, I just want to be a person of God. Challenge me to be that.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Can I be honest?
I believe that God is faithful. I see it in my schoolwork. No matter how hopeless the situation looks, I manage to keep my grades where they need to be. And maybe that's because of my faithfulness to God that comes from my effort, but I know God has helped me first. I don't really want to talk about the theological implications of this right now. Trust me, God has been faithful to help me. And I don't know for what purpose specifically, but I am in God's hands.
God is faithful, but I am very often unfaithful. Despite God's provision, I feel lost and unsure. My questions, my anxieties, my insecurities, my reluctance, my shame--they overpower my faith. I don't know how God can minister through me. I don't know how I could possibly be doing any right. Sometimes I feel like I don't know anything.
Where is my freedom? Where is my soul? What does it mean to lose myself, can this be it? I look at myself and I think, "this can't be right. I've missed it, where did I miss it?"
"be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery."- Deuteronomy 6:11
God is faithful, but I am very often unfaithful. Despite God's provision, I feel lost and unsure. My questions, my anxieties, my insecurities, my reluctance, my shame--they overpower my faith. I don't know how God can minister through me. I don't know how I could possibly be doing any right. Sometimes I feel like I don't know anything.
Where is my freedom? Where is my soul? What does it mean to lose myself, can this be it? I look at myself and I think, "this can't be right. I've missed it, where did I miss it?"
Sunday, May 18, 2008
God She's beautiful
So I was driving home today on the 205 and I was looking out at the rolling, golden hills thinking, "Man, that's so pretty. God created things so beautiful." Then I got a little annoyed with myself because it was a very cliche thing to think--and usually my thoughts are so original and inspiring, right? As if. Anyway, I thought about it a little more and maybe what's significant is not that God created things beautiful, but that God created beauty. Like God just created good things and they aren't really beautiful, they just are. What's cool is that we can appreciate beauty. And who knows really what beauty is or what makes things beautiful. (please don't try to explain it to me, because you can't- beauty's kinda like humor; it can't be logically explained and if it is its not funny/pretty anymore) What a gift though, huh? It seems like a pretty unnecessary thing though (according to Maslow), it doesn't really help us survive day to day. Yet it's beauty that reminds us of God's majesty so perhaps in that way it's very necessary. God reveals herself in Creation right? So we see in God's creation of beauty that God is not a God who perceives the world logically and advantageously. She is a God of beauty, reminding us that there is more to life than practicality and maybe there is no true life in strict practicality. God not only reigns, She reigns in glory. Alleluia.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I kissed dating Jesus good-bye
So I'm single. I figure it's a good time to "invest in my relationship with God"--as I might have said some time ago. What an opportunity right? It's a win-win, either I become a better candidate for marriage to a nice, Christian boy or I get closer to God (aka never feel empty again). Some would term it "dating Jesus," this idea that God/Jesus will fill up the emptiness and loneliness inside us and I suppose this lasts until you find a real life person to date. I dunno about that stuff anymore.
Here's the thing I've found about loving Jesus: not only is it hard to conceptualize, it's a pretty hard thing to do alone. We want it to be this romantic thing so we do silly things like go on dates with Jesus, ballroom dance with Jesus, read Song of Solomon with Jesus (ew). After all, like a rose trampled on the ground, he took the fall and thought of me above all, right? I forget the reference, but I think that's in the Bible somewhere.
John 15 says that love looks like obedience. Not exactly romantic. Sometimes in this obedience God seems silent and slow to respond to us. Obedience is what brought Jesus to the cross. Obedience is what eventually caused Jesus to ask God why God had forsaken him. Yet Jesus goes on to say in John 15 that he told us to be obedient and to love God so that his joy would be in us and made complete in us. There is joy in faithfulness somewhere. There is joy in laying down your life for your friends. There is joy in the freedom that can only come through faithfulness to the Father.
So, my relationship with God is not exclusive; I am not God's bride--the church is. My faithfulness shows my love for God just as God's faithfulness first showed God's love for me. My faithfulness and love to God is expressed in my ministry and devotion to the church and to those who might belong to the church. Jesus is not my rebound. Jesus is my way, truth, and life; the example of love and faithfulness to the Father.
Here's the thing I've found about loving Jesus: not only is it hard to conceptualize, it's a pretty hard thing to do alone. We want it to be this romantic thing so we do silly things like go on dates with Jesus, ballroom dance with Jesus, read Song of Solomon with Jesus (ew). After all, like a rose trampled on the ground, he took the fall and thought of me above all, right? I forget the reference, but I think that's in the Bible somewhere.
John 15 says that love looks like obedience. Not exactly romantic. Sometimes in this obedience God seems silent and slow to respond to us. Obedience is what brought Jesus to the cross. Obedience is what eventually caused Jesus to ask God why God had forsaken him. Yet Jesus goes on to say in John 15 that he told us to be obedient and to love God so that his joy would be in us and made complete in us. There is joy in faithfulness somewhere. There is joy in laying down your life for your friends. There is joy in the freedom that can only come through faithfulness to the Father.
So, my relationship with God is not exclusive; I am not God's bride--the church is. My faithfulness shows my love for God just as God's faithfulness first showed God's love for me. My faithfulness and love to God is expressed in my ministry and devotion to the church and to those who might belong to the church. Jesus is not my rebound. Jesus is my way, truth, and life; the example of love and faithfulness to the Father.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
If Jesus read my blog
Dear Jesus,
I'm writing to you on this blog to say somethings that I could just pray, but maybe if I write them on here people will read it. I guess I want them to read it so they can know the things I want to tell you and maybe I'll even talk about it with them.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I've been thinking about who I am a lot more than usual in the past month or so, and I realized there's a lot of stuff I don't like. It's not exactly "sin issues," as they say (whatever that means), that I'm referring to, its more like as I look at who I am I don't really like how I got here. Mainly I feel fake. Not false, not ingenuine or dishonest, but like a fake human, a cheap imitation of what it really means to live. It seems like a lot of who I am stems from conformity to others based on a fear of the responsibility that comes from being myself. Now I don't really buy the idea that "myself" is this unique thing, separate from the influence of others--I actually don't believe that at all. My problem is not that others influence me but how I go about letting them influence me.
Jesus, I think I want to find myself, or create myself or whatever it is you do to be fully alive. I've heard through various sources such as books, movies, country songs, and stories that this journey of the self often leads us very close to where we started. I'm ok with that. I still want the journey. Maybe its wiser to just learn from the conclusions of others, but my problem with that is my mind ends up getting way more further along than my heart. So I'm hoping that if I take this journey my heart and my mind can go together to figure things out; maybe they will even hold hands.
Jesus, maybe you know that this whole blog entry shows me to be a little more cheesy than I like to admit, and these next few lines aren't going to redeem me any further. If I do officially embark on this journey, I want to you be there and to keep me from making people objects in my life. I want people to be more than things that help to shape me, because I hope that as I find myself I find other selves too. I don't know if life is a journey. But I know that life isn't my journey. So Jesus, please help me to find truth and please stay with me through the mistakes I make to get there.
love,
maddie
I'm writing to you on this blog to say somethings that I could just pray, but maybe if I write them on here people will read it. I guess I want them to read it so they can know the things I want to tell you and maybe I'll even talk about it with them.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I've been thinking about who I am a lot more than usual in the past month or so, and I realized there's a lot of stuff I don't like. It's not exactly "sin issues," as they say (whatever that means), that I'm referring to, its more like as I look at who I am I don't really like how I got here. Mainly I feel fake. Not false, not ingenuine or dishonest, but like a fake human, a cheap imitation of what it really means to live. It seems like a lot of who I am stems from conformity to others based on a fear of the responsibility that comes from being myself. Now I don't really buy the idea that "myself" is this unique thing, separate from the influence of others--I actually don't believe that at all. My problem is not that others influence me but how I go about letting them influence me.
Jesus, I think I want to find myself, or create myself or whatever it is you do to be fully alive. I've heard through various sources such as books, movies, country songs, and stories that this journey of the self often leads us very close to where we started. I'm ok with that. I still want the journey. Maybe its wiser to just learn from the conclusions of others, but my problem with that is my mind ends up getting way more further along than my heart. So I'm hoping that if I take this journey my heart and my mind can go together to figure things out; maybe they will even hold hands.
Jesus, maybe you know that this whole blog entry shows me to be a little more cheesy than I like to admit, and these next few lines aren't going to redeem me any further. If I do officially embark on this journey, I want to you be there and to keep me from making people objects in my life. I want people to be more than things that help to shape me, because I hope that as I find myself I find other selves too. I don't know if life is a journey. But I know that life isn't my journey. So Jesus, please help me to find truth and please stay with me through the mistakes I make to get there.
love,
maddie
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