An American Girl's Letter to the World

Well hello World,

Nice to meet you. Though I don't know you very well, you seem like someone who I'd like to know better. I'm rather frustrated with some I know of you so far, but I realize that there's a lot more to you that I haven't seen yet. I think you're mysterious and enchanting. I've become quite infatuated with you actually. I think you must be full of beauty.

I think there's people and places where things are more organic. And by organic I don't mean the kind that has the sticker and is washed by automatic showers every hour. That's the way it is here in America. We expect synthetic, we expected modified, we expect artificial so the more natural, the more real a product or resource is the more marketed it is. But world I think you are organic in a different way. Your realness is not advertised or labeled, it's dirty and painful. But I like to imagine that there is joy in you too, that there is hope and love as raw as your suffering.

World, I also know that there is more to you than what I would see if I were to visit you today. I know you have stories. You have a history. You've been blessed and cursed, and seen victories, tragedies, and triumphs. Teach me these. Tell me about yourself: who you've been and how you got here. The American dream is to forget the past, but I know the world remembers and values what has happened.

World, you might not want to know me. You may think that we have nothing in common. I've chosen department store over handmade, I shop at grocery stores not markets, I exercise on machines when I could walk outside, I'm part of an Internet community that replaces the face to face, I drive my car over paved earth, I straighten my hair, I take pain-killers with carbonated water, I use light bulbs and coffee to defy the sun and the night's opportunity for rest. And though these habits and lifestyles are much apart of me, I confess that am not created to eat Big Macs and shop at Wal-Mart anymore than you are.

World, I know God your Father and Mother. Your Creator is mine as well, and we are made of the same dust. The truth is I am in you and you are in me and God is in us. Though I more often worship under moving powerpoints and electric guitars than shaded trees and singing birds, we are made to praise the same God. This is the God that will bring us together and reconcile our differences and forgive our sins.

World I pray you have grace with me. I am made to love you. I am your neighbor. I'll see you when I see you.

With love,

Maddie

A Question for Lent

The central story that inspires the Christian season of Lent is Jesus's 40 days of fasting in the wilderness. Jesus, after his baptism is lead to the desert to be tempted. This theme of a 40-day trial is not unique to Jesus's in the gospels; the Hebrews were in the desert 40 years after their "baptism" through the Red Sea, Noah, his family, and the San Diego Zoo are in the ark for a 40 day flood later referred to as a "baptism."



So this 40 day/year event seems to be significant in the stories of the faithful, or at least in testing the faith of the people of God. And in all cases it is God who leads his people to these deserts. Why is it then that Jesus prays that we would not be lead by God to temptation, but would be delivered from evil? It's almost as if Jesus asks God not to let what happened to him happen to anyone else.

I don't know the answer. But I think it means that Lent is not something to be taken lightly. That Jesus being led into the desert to be tempted was a challenge for Jesus; something he doesn't want others to experience. Israel did not stay faithful in her 40 years in the desert. Jesus stays faithful, he passes the test. And Jesus is the fulfillment of Israel. He upholds their end of the covenants. Perhaps the time of testing is over. Yet we remember this testing during Lent so that we will be humbled by Jesus's ability to do what we could not do for ourselves, and praise God for his love for us.

Invisible Children: The Rescue

I just came from Point Loma's showing of Invisible Children: The Rescue. It's a new Invisible Children movie supporting a massive campaign to set free the children abducted by Joseph Kony, the leader of the Lord's Resistance Army of northern Uganda. The Rescue event takes place on the 25th of April and there are various events and means of supporting the event that precede it. But the rescue itself is a day much like the Night Commuters or Displace Me campaigns run by Invisible Children where participants dramatize and attempt to empathize with the effected children of Uganda, except the Rescue event ends with us actually being rescued. The rescue comes from politicians, celebrities, and I suppose various other people of authority involved in the issue.

And maybe that's why I am struggling right now with making a decision to be involved or what to do to be involved. And I mean, how can I say that, right? Being given this information, watching this movie depicting people with disfigured faces and bodies, of course I should do something. Maddie, you've always wondered how you would have reacted to the Holocaust and now you have one right in front of you and you are reluctant? I mean it's only three dollars a week, it's only 2 nights, and I can do more than that!

It's just that as I fill out the form stating that I want to be involved with this Rescue, I can't help but think how foolish it is that this Rescue is coming from politicians and celebrities. We've got to stop thinking that Bono is Jesus.

But it happened before. World War II is over. Jesus didn't come down here and stop that, people got involved and it was really messy, but in the end, Nazis stopped killing Jews (in a mass, organized way anyway). It took politicians to end WW2. Have I no hope? Have I no hope that God can use our generation, our celebrities, our politicians to end something that God hates?

It's just so big. I like what I am doing now at church. I like that I can see the way things are changing for Jose, Precious, Yacksi, Burto. I like that I can see something that I am involved in change these kids a bit. I want to support everything that brings God's justice to the world, that preaches Torah, that preaches the gospel. But can I support everything? And is this supporting it?

I don't know why I feel so unsure of this. I wrote a blog to sort it out, but please, please offer me any advice, thoughts, or words.

http://www.invisiblechildren.com/ to get more info.

Thought necklace: a string of thoughts loosely bound together

At this point, I reckon that life is a lot about living in the tension of things. Some people may think of Christianity as an escape from the tension. They think, "My faith gives me all the answers; my faith tells me who to be." When really our faith gives us one more tension: living in the world and the kingdom of God. There is really not one thing we should always be; there is no mantra, no costume that we can wear that morphs us into invincible superheroes, no monastery that frees us from the tension.

One might say, "Well, we are called to be faithful, therefore we must always strive to be obedient disciples." I completely agree, but often times we don't know what exactly it means to be obedient, and if we do, we find that being obedient means acting differently in different situations. Sometimes we should give, sometimes we should save, sometimes we should comfort, sometimes we should confront. All this is living in the tension.

I think that's why it's hard for people to believe that God loves them. There's a certain ease to life that comes with love. There's protection, safety, belonging, and trust. Yet we know that life is not easy. There are situations that make us feel unprotected, unsafe, alone, and untrusting. How do we live in the blessing of God's love and the suffering of the world? Where do we rightly find God's love?

I try to think of what makes we worthwhile. Is it my gifts and abilities? My performance? My personality? My family? My church? My relationships? My faith? As of now the only thing that I can really conceptualize and say, "Yes, this is why I matter" is the fact that I am created. That for one moment (or whatever the heavenly, timeless word there is for moment) God thought that I was a good idea. That goes for everything else created as well. Which means that even the five year-old kid with terminal cancer, even the still-born baby, even the 24-weeker in the NICU, even the person who will never attend a "normal" school, hold a "normal" job, or be able to function "normally" in society, even to those God shows that it was right, it was good, it was better for them to be created than not. I couldn't tell you why, and I will never try to. But I believe that anything created (even anything not alive) was not a mistake and was put together with love, care, and intention. It's kind of a bold statement if you think about it. It's kind of life-changing too.

Resolutions (same old, same old)

1. Be a friend.
2. Be healthier.
3. Be prettier.
4. Be happier.

Carbon Dioxide: Breathe This

Without sin, without feeling;
without pain, without hope.
So, you are not hopeless
for we can only hope;
it is only because of hope that you can know your despair.

You are not without God!:
because you have pain,
because you have hope
and for this creation groans.

So here we are. Not hopeless, but faithless.
faithless that things will change.
how can things change?

Effortlessly.
wind is wind.
ice is ice.
sun is sun.

winter is winter.
summer is summer.

Not effortlessly.
Tree is blown.
Tree is barren.
Tree is grown.

Persevere.
Persevere.
Persevere.

Dear God,

Where is peace? Where is freedom? Where is joy?