Thought necklace: a string of thoughts loosely bound together

At this point, I reckon that life is a lot about living in the tension of things. Some people may think of Christianity as an escape from the tension. They think, "My faith gives me all the answers; my faith tells me who to be." When really our faith gives us one more tension: living in the world and the kingdom of God. There is really not one thing we should always be; there is no mantra, no costume that we can wear that morphs us into invincible superheroes, no monastery that frees us from the tension.

One might say, "Well, we are called to be faithful, therefore we must always strive to be obedient disciples." I completely agree, but often times we don't know what exactly it means to be obedient, and if we do, we find that being obedient means acting differently in different situations. Sometimes we should give, sometimes we should save, sometimes we should comfort, sometimes we should confront. All this is living in the tension.

I think that's why it's hard for people to believe that God loves them. There's a certain ease to life that comes with love. There's protection, safety, belonging, and trust. Yet we know that life is not easy. There are situations that make us feel unprotected, unsafe, alone, and untrusting. How do we live in the blessing of God's love and the suffering of the world? Where do we rightly find God's love?

I try to think of what makes we worthwhile. Is it my gifts and abilities? My performance? My personality? My family? My church? My relationships? My faith? As of now the only thing that I can really conceptualize and say, "Yes, this is why I matter" is the fact that I am created. That for one moment (or whatever the heavenly, timeless word there is for moment) God thought that I was a good idea. That goes for everything else created as well. Which means that even the five year-old kid with terminal cancer, even the still-born baby, even the 24-weeker in the NICU, even the person who will never attend a "normal" school, hold a "normal" job, or be able to function "normally" in society, even to those God shows that it was right, it was good, it was better for them to be created than not. I couldn't tell you why, and I will never try to. But I believe that anything created (even anything not alive) was not a mistake and was put together with love, care, and intention. It's kind of a bold statement if you think about it. It's kind of life-changing too.