Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
watch your step, this is holy ground fool.
This is a weekly journal entry that I wrote for clinical last week. It was a gift so I thought I'd share it:
"Today’s clinical experience was sacred. My patient was a 21 year old male with leukemia. For his particular type of leukemia, the 5 year survival rate is 80% in children and 40% in adults. I’m not educated enough on the disease process to know which percentage is closer to his age group, but I don’t really think it matters. Today I got to speak to the client’s mother about her struggle with her son’s diagnosis. The furthest thing from my lips were statistics about mortality rate. After all the 20 and 60% of people who do not make it past five years probably have mothers just like her.
It is always an honor to serve and minister to people. One who finds themselves in a place where they can give to others should walk through service with humility and respect, knowing that it is by grace that she is able to give and that she is just as reliant on God and others for her needs. There have been a few acts of service that have truly blessed me so much so that I felt like I was in a sacred moment. Hearing the mother’s enthusiastic acceptance when I asked her if I could pray for her son, seeing the tears in her eyes and feeling the strength of her hands as we prayed for healing and comfort made me want to remove my shoes, because I was on holy ground (of course that’s not exactly following universal precautions so I refrained).
I pray that I will be able to experience more of these moments. I’m grateful to God that I can be there with people in these times of their lives that are so full of fear and desperation. So often clinical is all about the day, the 8 or so hours that we are in the hospital, but these are people’s lives. There's so much of something powerful in the hospital, but its so easy to ignore especially as an overwhelmed nursing student."
Recently I've been sensing the notion that I'm not reverent enough in ministry. In the same way I fear God, I feel like there is a need to fear the people I minister to (just as there is a need to love others like God). Maybe its not so much the people I should fear, but the work of ministry. People deserve respect for sure, but people are relatable in a way that God is not, and I think that separation is part of what makes God worth fearing. But ministry is a gift. God by grace invites us to love people like God does does. What greater honor is there? So I guess my point is that we should be careful in ministry. We should aknowledge it as a gift and respect the work that is done in ministry as holy and sacred. It's not a means to self-fulfillment, or a time we graciously give to God (as if). It is a noble duty of a humble servant; a gift for God's children.
"Today’s clinical experience was sacred. My patient was a 21 year old male with leukemia. For his particular type of leukemia, the 5 year survival rate is 80% in children and 40% in adults. I’m not educated enough on the disease process to know which percentage is closer to his age group, but I don’t really think it matters. Today I got to speak to the client’s mother about her struggle with her son’s diagnosis. The furthest thing from my lips were statistics about mortality rate. After all the 20 and 60% of people who do not make it past five years probably have mothers just like her.
It is always an honor to serve and minister to people. One who finds themselves in a place where they can give to others should walk through service with humility and respect, knowing that it is by grace that she is able to give and that she is just as reliant on God and others for her needs. There have been a few acts of service that have truly blessed me so much so that I felt like I was in a sacred moment. Hearing the mother’s enthusiastic acceptance when I asked her if I could pray for her son, seeing the tears in her eyes and feeling the strength of her hands as we prayed for healing and comfort made me want to remove my shoes, because I was on holy ground (of course that’s not exactly following universal precautions so I refrained).
I pray that I will be able to experience more of these moments. I’m grateful to God that I can be there with people in these times of their lives that are so full of fear and desperation. So often clinical is all about the day, the 8 or so hours that we are in the hospital, but these are people’s lives. There's so much of something powerful in the hospital, but its so easy to ignore especially as an overwhelmed nursing student."
Recently I've been sensing the notion that I'm not reverent enough in ministry. In the same way I fear God, I feel like there is a need to fear the people I minister to (just as there is a need to love others like God). Maybe its not so much the people I should fear, but the work of ministry. People deserve respect for sure, but people are relatable in a way that God is not, and I think that separation is part of what makes God worth fearing. But ministry is a gift. God by grace invites us to love people like God does does. What greater honor is there? So I guess my point is that we should be careful in ministry. We should aknowledge it as a gift and respect the work that is done in ministry as holy and sacred. It's not a means to self-fulfillment, or a time we graciously give to God (as if). It is a noble duty of a humble servant; a gift for God's children.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
the ocsars of life: why i hate psych 101
If life is a journey, if life is my personal journey, if life is my story then its about me. I can't seem to reconcile this "personal journey" talk with a the life of a Christian. See, if life is a journey then all that matters is that everywhere I go, there I am; no matter what happens I am the common denominator in everything I know. I might want to be independent and separate enough to reflect on my journey if I thought that sort of distance would bring fulfillment because it would lead me to truth. However, I feel this tension that the more I pursue things that bring me satisfaction, the more I see myself as the main character of my story and the less I see others as having any higher role than supporting actors. But really, people are more than supporting actors, and I am less than a star.
I don't think I can see myself as the hero and do Christianity. It seems to me that living as a holy person means viewing others as the heros and the main characters and taking the supporting role. In that case there is no use for self reflection beyond the purpose of better supporting others and God. Anything else is indulgent and self-glorifying; upstaging. I imagine it takes very different characteristics to win an oscar for best supporting actress than it does for best actress.
Maybe though, the characters aren't made to illustrate other characters, but rather to tell a greater story. So what is the story? Is it character development? is it redemption? is it grace?
Well I don't know what the story is, but its enough for me to know that its not my story.
I don't think I can see myself as the hero and do Christianity. It seems to me that living as a holy person means viewing others as the heros and the main characters and taking the supporting role. In that case there is no use for self reflection beyond the purpose of better supporting others and God. Anything else is indulgent and self-glorifying; upstaging. I imagine it takes very different characteristics to win an oscar for best supporting actress than it does for best actress.
Maybe though, the characters aren't made to illustrate other characters, but rather to tell a greater story. So what is the story? Is it character development? is it redemption? is it grace?
Well I don't know what the story is, but its enough for me to know that its not my story.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
one more thought- when we love people we love God
Are people worth loving in and of themselves? Can we love others before we love God?
Yes! People- because they are created by God, because they are made in the image of God- can be loved intuitavely. Of course! Even heathens love. Christians do not need to fear loving people more than God as long as they remember God the Creator and Definer of love. Glory to God who is at the bottom of every true love!
Yes! People- because they are created by God, because they are made in the image of God- can be loved intuitavely. Of course! Even heathens love. Christians do not need to fear loving people more than God as long as they remember God the Creator and Definer of love. Glory to God who is at the bottom of every true love!
just thoughts
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
Not that our acts of love cancel out our sin. Not that our acts of love by themselves make us right with God. The only act of love that truly, intuitively made us right before God is God's own act of love in sending his Son to earth to be emptied and die on a cross. This is God's kindness that leads us to repentance.
Now our love is the mark of faith and repentance. But our love does not and cannot stand alone to save us. Nor, dare I say, does Christ stand alone to save us. It is through faith in God's grace that we are saved. This saving faith is made complete by our acts of love. Therefore our love is our faith, and our love is our new clothes, covering and replacing our sin.
Not that our acts of love cancel out our sin. Not that our acts of love by themselves make us right with God. The only act of love that truly, intuitively made us right before God is God's own act of love in sending his Son to earth to be emptied and die on a cross. This is God's kindness that leads us to repentance.
Now our love is the mark of faith and repentance. But our love does not and cannot stand alone to save us. Nor, dare I say, does Christ stand alone to save us. It is through faith in God's grace that we are saved. This saving faith is made complete by our acts of love. Therefore our love is our faith, and our love is our new clothes, covering and replacing our sin.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
the gentle whisper
1 Peter 3:3-6:
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
I was inspired to read this passage after watching a few episodes of America's Next Top Model. It's hard to watch that show without questioning what it really means to be beautiful. According to Tyra and her modeling posse, beauty (well modeling anyway) is all about being "fierce" which is difficult to reconcile with the gentle and quiet spirit that apparently is of great worth to God.
What does it mean to have a gentle spirit? What would that look like? Is there a difference between being gentle in action and gentle in spirit? Well I looked up the word "gentle" in other places in the NIV. One passage that particularly intrigued me was the "gentle whisper" that was the presence of God to Elijah amidst the fire, wind, and earthquake. Now I don't know how the Hebrew and Greek words for gentle in these passages relate or have similarity, if they do so at all. But, perhaps, women are invited to be that gentle whisper of the presence of God in a world looking for answers in the loud and destructive things. Perhaps this verse about proper female behavior is not God's effort to limit the influence of women, but is God's will to reveal to the world His (or more appropriately Her) truth, character and presence through Her Spirit.
We are the daughters of Sarah if we do what is is right and do not give way to fear. The earthquake, wind, and fire are certainly more intimidating to me than a gentle whisper. In order to make an impact in the world, I would be inclined to take on those characteristics of a natural disaster before that of a whisper. However, if God him/herself came down as a gentle whisper, who am I to desire more than a quiet and gentle spirit.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
I was inspired to read this passage after watching a few episodes of America's Next Top Model. It's hard to watch that show without questioning what it really means to be beautiful. According to Tyra and her modeling posse, beauty (well modeling anyway) is all about being "fierce" which is difficult to reconcile with the gentle and quiet spirit that apparently is of great worth to God.
What does it mean to have a gentle spirit? What would that look like? Is there a difference between being gentle in action and gentle in spirit? Well I looked up the word "gentle" in other places in the NIV. One passage that particularly intrigued me was the "gentle whisper" that was the presence of God to Elijah amidst the fire, wind, and earthquake. Now I don't know how the Hebrew and Greek words for gentle in these passages relate or have similarity, if they do so at all. But, perhaps, women are invited to be that gentle whisper of the presence of God in a world looking for answers in the loud and destructive things. Perhaps this verse about proper female behavior is not God's effort to limit the influence of women, but is God's will to reveal to the world His (or more appropriately Her) truth, character and presence through Her Spirit.
We are the daughters of Sarah if we do what is is right and do not give way to fear. The earthquake, wind, and fire are certainly more intimidating to me than a gentle whisper. In order to make an impact in the world, I would be inclined to take on those characteristics of a natural disaster before that of a whisper. However, if God him/herself came down as a gentle whisper, who am I to desire more than a quiet and gentle spirit.
Resolutions: 8 for 08
These are things I'd like to amend in my life. I'm a sucker for resolutions.
1. spend more time outdoors (surfing, climbing, hiking, NOSing, sleeping, admiring,...)
2. spend more time in prayer
3. make more environmentally and socially conscious decisions
4. eat less and healthier
5. learn some Spanish
6. learn some guitar
7. listen to/find good music
8. study for nursing more
1. spend more time outdoors (surfing, climbing, hiking, NOSing, sleeping, admiring,...)
2. spend more time in prayer
3. make more environmentally and socially conscious decisions
4. eat less and healthier
5. learn some Spanish
6. learn some guitar
7. listen to/find good music
8. study for nursing more
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