So, I don't want to go to Immanuel Mission without some preparation. For me, this is mostly in the form of prayer/reading the Bible. These are things I know I should do anyway, but I guess I take them more seriously when I'm going to a mission campus in the middle of the desert. Silly, I know, but save me the sermon and let's move on.
So I'm praying more, and making it a big deal about going to this place. I wanted to take the last month to "get right with God" as they say, and be ready to serve wholeheartedly when I'm there. I wanted to eat, speak, and make my kidneys reabsorb gospel. I wanted to be totally prepared for the journey ahead in Arizona, except I'm finding this preparation to be a journey in itself.
In forcing myself to read the Bible and pray more I am faced with all my inadequacies. I see the way I trail off, and half-ass my prayers. I see how I am reluctant to share the gospel with friends and family. I see how I'm tempted everyday to turn from God. I see all these things in and out of me and I'm discouraged. First comes the doubts: How could God ever use me? Am I even ready for this? Then comes the fear: What will happen if I'm not ready? I'll let everyone down. I'll make a mess that someone else will have to clean up. I'm not a stranger to letting others down, getting in over my head, or making messes, will this summer be any different?
insert: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" sermon here.
Yeah. I know, I know. Grace, grace, faith, faith, hope, hope. My mantra. Despite my doubts and fears, something beckons me to that desert. Faith, curiosity, desperation, who knows? But the mission is called Immanuel. God with us, even me.
Please pray for me, if you do that sort of thing. If not, a positive thought is ok.
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What day do you leave for Arizona? We're praying for you.
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